xxstarxlightxx (xxstarxlightxx) wrote in recoveryourlife,

I came home...and there was nothing left. I was sober...and I just wanted to feel high...I don't want to die just yet...I want to help myself....I just feel so lost sometimes.

This week was amazing...and I feel like...things can get better if I let them...but sometimes Its just so hard.

So I took the knife and I grazed my skin...just enough to feel a little bit of the high...but not enough to do any physical damage. My skin is red and it tingles but no blood. No cuts. Just a little something to remind me of why I don't want to do this anymore...I really don't want to do this. I want to run away and I want to die...but I love myself too much for that. Too much for that one fatal mistake. I can't. I cannot. I just have to hold out for a little longer...and then maybe I can help myself. I don't just want to survive anymore - I want to live. I want to live my life and be happy...and I know I can. I just need to get past this bump in the road. After all, I've been through worse. 

I'm ready. Please oh please just let me get past this week alright.
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